“Can we keep that between us for now? I haven’t told anyone else”
-Of course.
I have had more of these conversations that I can probably remember, and it is both inspiring and terrifying.
Inspiring because I am a safe space for people, they are trusting me with their innermost thoughts/concerns/desires. They trust I will keep their thoughts safe, and offer suggestions or advice as requested.
It is terrifying because why do they feel they cannot share this with anyone else (and what am I supposed to do with all of these secrets besides keep them??)
I have a pretty open relationship with my kids – they can ask or share anything with me. I just hope they also have a Safe Space Person they can talk to if ever they feel I won’t understand. And I hope and pray that the Safe Space Person treat their trust the same way I do.
Optional reflection question: do you know if you are anyone’s Safe Space?
(conversely, when you spell my name incorrectly, which happens more often than I’d like, it makes my heart squeeze and I roll my eyes. ESPECIALLY if my name was previously typed out for you, such as, an email signature. I’ve spent a lot of years letting it go, but I’m taking the correct spelling of my name back, thankyouverymuch!!!)
My daughter is my biggest Hype Man (…Hype Woman? Hype Person????)
No matter what is happening, she boosts my confidence. She cheers me on. She’s the type of kid who sends me motivational messages throughout the day, or when I’ve had a particularly rough day/week/month (or even a year….) she will randomly tell me “you got this” or “I’m proud of you” or “you’re slaying, mom.”
It took me a while (and some questions, which she answered lovingly HA!) to figure out the lingo she sometimes uses, but so far, it’s all been encouraging. Like when I put on a dress a some eyeliner to go to church and she says “SHE ATE!!!!” which translates loosely to “you did a great job of getting ready to go and you look nice and confident! (…or so I think).
I’m going to humbly say that she learned this from me. I’m not quiet about hyping her up (and others!) and I think it’s motivational and confidence boosting to every now and then hear something good about yourself from someone who loves you.
I love love LOVE that she has it in her to uplift others. And I love that she sees me. When I get quiet, she lets me know – sometimes without speaking – that she has my back. She’s seen me cry. And while it may make her nervous or uncomfortable, she sits with me, sometimes holding my hand, sometimes handing me tissues. Never probing, but assuring me that she’s on my side.
I’m lowkey excited about this next phase of parenting, when I get to be One Of Her Little Friends. I think we’ve gotten past the Laying Rules and Foundation part of our relationship (realizing, tongue in cheek, that we still have some work to do in some areas…), and we’ve built such a bond that she confides in me, trusts me, and motivates ME to do all of the things I’m teaching her how to do (setting boundaries, anyone?).
At some point, my squeaky-voiced, stalling bedtime toddler, grew into this miraculously fantastic young person, and I love (and loathe) it.
She’s gonna be so good for the world.
Photo of me hugging my daughter, both of us smiling. Photo posted with permission.
I used to be the opposite of a Plant Mom. I tried having plants in the house, but I’m not very good at keeping things alive that can’t tell me what they need. (Really. Not enough water? TOO MUCH WATER!!! Not enough sun? TOO MUCH SUN!!!! Pot too small? POT TOO BIG!!! sheesh).
I am happy to announce that I have six THRIVING plants currently. One of which I’ve kept alive (and thriving) for over a year now. Another is a forgotten plant from 2020 that I rediscovered, that was somehow STILL ALIVE. This is a big deal. Please take a moment to clap for me. Thankyouverymuch.
But here’s the thing, reflecting on growth. Sometimes, I remember to water, rotate, repot the plants. I was on a pretty good routine of at least checking on them on Sundays, before my post-worship nap. Then I got off my routine somehow (imagine that) and went probably three weeks without checking on my Plant Babies. When I remembered, I spent time with each plant, aerating the soil, watering, and in some cases, repotting, to nurture it back to health.
Sometimes, growth of self can feel the same. You are in a good routine, and then something happens that throws you off your game, and you have to come back and spend time with each area of growth again to do some nurturing.
What does that look like? That’s a good question, thanks for asking.
Mental growth. I feel we’re all in some season of mental healing – whether thru therapy, a later in life diagnosis of something (ADHD anyone?), or consistent self-reflection. But it’s causing growth. You can’t always see the results right away, but change is happening.
Emotional growth. Similar to its cousin, Mental, emotional growth is showing up more now….or maybe people are just more open about talking about it? But it, too, is a slow process. You have to spend vulnerable, strategic time with yourself (or a therapist or trusted loved one), sorting out what you need.
Spiritual growth. As some of you may know or remember from a writing I did last year, I broke up with “religion” in order to cultivate a real relationship with God. Now, I’m not knocking how you worship or what you believe, but for ME? I’ve been noticing that within the past several years, there have been public displays in the name of “Christianity” that have done more harm than good, and, in my opinion, did more to sully the Name of Jesus than make more people interested in learning more about It. Spiritual growth, again *for me*, looks like intentional time with God – reading, writing, meditating, talking, listening, and being willing to show up as He would in the world. It’s also a slow process, and one that you may not be able to see the growth right away. But there are always signs of it.
Professional growth. Whew. This one right here. Just when you think you know what you’re doing….just when you think you’ve gotten the hang of things…the curveball is thrown, and you strike out. Professional growth has looked a lot like affirmations under my breath, reminders that I CAN DO THIS and I WAS BUILT FOR THIS and THIS IS AN ANSWERED PRAYER. That’s probably not what you thought I was going to say is it, Dear Reader. You can be honest. You probably thought I was going to say something like I got a raise or I was asked to sit in on _____ committee or I won an award or new title. Nope. None of that comfortable growth for me. This is the “the pot is too small” or “I need less sunlight” type of growth. The kind where I cannot articulate my needs exactly, but I know I’m pushing thru something to stay alive.
All of this to say, to myself, and to you, if you’ve read this far, that maybe, much like taking care of a plant who cannot tell you what it needs, you have to take care of YOU that way also. Every now and then, water yourself (shower/bathe/hydrate/jump in puddles…). Every now and then, change your environment (get out of the house for a bit/don’t have lunch at your desk/vacation/check your eating habits/tech-free evening…). Every now and then, repot yourself (take a class/learn a language/create like you used to or like you want to…).
And of course, speak kindly to yourself (encourage yourself like you would a child. Out loud, if you need to!) If speaking kindly and gently to a plant helps it grow, what would speaking kindly and gently to yourself do for you?
The goal is to THRIVE. Not just SURVIVE. For my plants, and for me.
Take care of yourselves. And each other 💜💜💜
Here’s four of my Plant Babies which is fitting because I talked about four growth areas 😉
A prompt I got from Mazerly Musings: 31 Things That Make Me Happy. Ending the Month (and the challenge) with some self-reflection. (This is not an exhaustive list, and in no particular order).
Time with my family, just being together
My mothers kikiki laugh
singing (even when I get the words wrong HA!)
Down time to myself (which is rare, because I always feel like I should be doing something)
Finishing a good book and just sitting there with the *sigh of silence* while I reflect on what I just read, but before I go looking for something else
Chips and salsa
The night before a day off
When my children are getting along (even when their love for each other gets on my nerves HAHAHA!!!!)
Car rides on beautiful days with the music blaring
oh yeah, Music
The serenity of nature
Bouncing back after a dark period, realizing I Made It Thru
Seeing my friends being their best selves, and cheering them on
Genuine laughter of children. I don’t think they know how to fake laugh yet.
When a Kinderling says “I love you” out of no where, because I know they mean it
My husband making goo-goo eyes at me, even though I roll my eyes and swat him away
The hum of silence
My plants that I have managed to keep alive!!!! (I am notorious for not being able to keep a plant alive, and I’ve had one for a full YEAR now. More on that later)
My “village” of friends I know, without a shadow of a doubt, would be there for me in a heartbeat if I needed them.
I know, I know. Sunday gets a bad rap because the next day is Monday. But the past couple of Sundays have been so good for my soul.
Nothing major has happened. Worship Nap Chill with the fam.
It’s the last one that has been the best for me. Family time. Watching Disney movies and singing along. Showing each other memes on our phones. Approving (or insulting) outfit selections for Monday. Laughing together. Sharing Space.
It’s just the right amount of “in the moment” that I need. The “being present.” The “not worrying about tomorrow.”
Saturdays are so busy with driving practice, running errands, haircuts and grocery gathering. Sundays are slow days for us, and honestly, I LOVE IT.
I’m not sure of anyone else who looks forward to the Sabbath in this way, but I’m internally and eternally grateful for Sundays.
DontBotherOrtizMe 